Bir avuc deniz

Anammm tum gun yemek yap, camasir yika, son 2 haftadir utu yapiyorum. Hani giyince super oluyor da bu pazarlari kabus yahuu, al, ver, pisir, yika, utuleee. Ev hanimi mod on, pofff!

Survivor izliyordum bitti, ama en azindan Hilmi Cem kazandi, hem guzel, hem super dans ediyor, hem super basarili. Dogukanla tanismistik, bole biraz ukalamsi ama aslinda degil ama Hilmi kadar yurdum insani da deil. Ne bileyim iyi oldu.

O bitti, bir avuc deniz izledim. Berrak Tuzunatacla Engin Altan Duzyatan. Adamin adi komik, kendi tas, Berrak desen insan mi  o ya? Rolunu de begendim, boyle ozgur ruhlu, cilgin, ama biraz fazlasindan isi yok, intihar tesebbusleri falan fazla abartili ama tam filmlik iste. Adam da duzen, nizam, intizam, olmasi gerektigi gibi davranan, ana kuzusu. Alla alla demek cok varmis bunlardan, filmini bile yaptiklarina gore. Sevgilisini aldatiyor Berrak'la (Deniz filmdeki adi), o gecenin sabahi evlenme teklif ediyor, hani bir sekilde kurtarcak kendini. Sonra her Deniz'e bulustugunda, nisanlisi bir sorun mu var dediginde, hayir seni cok seviyorum diyor. Neyse sonrasinda Deniz'le yasanan iliski, yikilan nisanlilik, cocugun annesinin Deniz'i istememesi, sorunlar, derken sonu hic beklenmedik bir sekilde anne Deniz'i balkondan atiyor, yetmedi olmedi diye asagi inip nefes almasini engelliyor. Sweet jesus, valla kendimi sansli hissettim bir an ben. Amaninnn!!! Tabi filmin sonunu yazdim, okuyan izlemesin :p Yih yih yih!

Karisik duygular icerisindeyim. Degisik bir filmdi, annelerin hastalik derecesinde cocuk tutkusunu ele alasim var. Obur yandan, icinden bir parca, koruyasin kollayasin var, neyi ne kadar yalnis yaptiginin farkinda olmuyor sanirsam insan. Saat de gec oldu, ne arastirma ne istatistik icin var, ne kadar gonlumden gecse de. Birde bu konu ben de hassas bir norktadir hala:)























Umutlu kapatalim, bir avuc deniz! Akisina birakmali insan hayata kendini, cunku dusundugumuz kadar yok kontrolumuz! Bi de neymis hersey guzel olacakmis! Bir avuc kum, bir avuc deniz :)

Project management!

I have attended a super workshop tonite. It was on The Business of Science for Scientists by Randall Ribaudo and Larry Petocovic from SciPhD. Super helpful, nice and helpful workshop. I am excited to do their online classes and read more about what they do. Basically, the workshop was about how scientist lack their business side, how we lower our potential, how we can improve and be better to see the big picture and move based on our objective rather than doing research without any business perspective. The point was mostly how much we focus on technical/scientific skills, but little on social intelligence and emotional intelligence. It is totally true. I personally do not or can not use my other skills as much as I would like to. It was a great workshop in the sense of reminding us how well educated we are and we are ready to take any type of challenge, we do not give ourselves enough credit. Another importance was project management, it reminded me to determine a objective and work on to get to that goal.

Why project management is important? Well because it is not all about hard-working, its about efficiency, achieving the goal we determine and etc. Another nice website about project management. I think we are very passionate, hardworking people but we definitely are weak at seeing the big picture, efficiency of the projects, and not well prepared to sell ourselves.




Brainstorming was another discussed topic I loved. You pick a topic, in 45 seconds you write whatever comes to your mind. Then, you plot a graph impact versus effort. Of course the low effort, high impact has the best shot. They were giving those examples as how companies are run.

First time I have heard about SWOT analysis (alternatively SWOT Matrix) is a structured planing method used to evaluate the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats involved in a project or in a business venture. A SWOT analysis can be carried out for a product, place, industry or person.

• Strengths: characteristics of the business or project that give it an advantage over others
• Weaknesses: are characteristics that place the team at a disadvantage relative to others
• Opportunities: elements that the project could exploit to its advantage
• Threats: elements in the environment that could cause trouble for the business or project

So the main point was, how we can improve in the business side as scientist and how we can differ from our competitors. They definitely recommend some project management knowledge, to be able to put in practice and to show that during the interviews. They  had great support and opinions about scientist taking any jobs they possibly want. It was an amazing workshop!

Lay lay lom dumtaka tis

Boyle bir baslik attim da hic de ole bir ruh halinde degilim. Sizi kandiriyim okutayim diye yaptim :p Yih yih, saka ya la! Ne bileyim fake it till you become it'den dolayi yaptim. Off ayrilik zor is arkadas, bir hafta super guzelim, bir sonraki hafta icimde yine tikenli kaktusler. Ah ulen Riza, ayrilik olmayaydin noluuurdu?!!? Temmuzda super iyi olacagim, umitliyim, tasinmak var, yaz var, 2 ay gecmislik var, olur elbet degil?

Boyle anlasilmis olabilecegi uzere bir sacmalayasim vaaaar, bir abuk konusasim var sorma gitsin blog okuyucusu, okuyan yoksa da blogun ta kendisi. Survivor izliyorum trden, guzel cocuklar, Murat-Hilmi favorim, Hilmi daha cok. Bir de Yalan Dunya o da favorim, Gulse Birsel'in hastasiyim, gorsem yolda ole bir konusma cabasinda bulunurum valla ama nirden gorcem.

Yine ayriliktan dem vursam mi? Vurmayim.

Survivor odulu yuzunden Niagaraya gitmeye karar verdim, 9 saat dedigin nedir ki?

Ayy bayiksin Pazar, bayik, kicimi koltuktan kaldirmadim tum gun yemek disinda, puuuuu!!!

Hic yalniz degiliz!

Olmus tam tamina 9 sene, yalniz yasayali, kisa sureli ev arkadaslari disinda. Aileden uzak, bambaska bir ulkede, bambaska bir dil, din, kultur, insanlar bambaska. Eeee epeyce sorun yasamak, yalniz hissetmek. Ilk geldigimde daha 23 yasindaydim, kucuk cocuk dencek yasta, ingilizce cat pat anliyorlarken, tutusturdular elime bir lab kitabi, genel kimya dersi vermem icin. Haydaa! Ben daha water diyorum garson anlamiyorum, adama nasil ders anlatacagim. Ilk ders kabustu, aslinda 1 sene boyunca butun dersler oldukca zordu. 3 gurup var haftada, 3 de ayni seyi yapiyor, Pazatesi gununu asarsam diger gunler kolay geciyor tecrubeden, ama bilmedigim birsey sorarlarsa offf off, bir de bilip anlatamamak var amanin :) Boyle gecti, hatta ratinglerim de hic fena degil ratemyprofessor.com'da. E cocuksun, aileden kopmussun, bir de su istiyorum anlamiyorlar yahuuu. Kola deil, sarap degil diyorum olmuyor. Votirrr, vatir, vasserrr!!! Olmuyor da olmuyor, abartmiyorum 5-6 sene mi aldi su derken derdi mi anlatabilmek!

wasser

Garip hikayeler geliyor aklima. Evde 2-3 kertenkele, gozunu sevdigimin Floridasi. Apartman gorevlilerini ariyorum, evde bisey var, kucuk, boyle yuruyor, yok bocek degil ne anacim bu kertenkelenin adi, diyorum "the smallest dinosour". Valla kostu geldiler anladilar herhal. Lizard bu arada bilmeyen ben gibi :)



Neyse boyle biraz uzuntu, keder, alisamamak, yalniz evde kalmalar,yatak altinda bicakla yatmalar, duyanda sokcam birine sancak, korkudan bisey de yapamam, daha bocek olduremiyorum, eve bocek giriyor ariyorum arkadaslari. E Turk cok Florida'da, gerci heryerde cok da orda yer kucuk, samimiyet artiyor.


Birkac sene aliskanlik sonrasi ohhh, cennet! Hayatimin en guzel gunlerini yasiyorum. Bir aile kuruyoruz kendimize dostlarda, oy o ne guzellik, ne yalniz hissetmek ne bisey. Hayatimin en guzel dostluklarini kurdum orda. 2 tanesini hicbirseye degismem hem de hic, onlarcasini ise dunyalara degismem :))

Geldik New York'a, offf sil bastan, yine yalnizlik, yine bunalim. Ama bugun baktim soyle bir, yine yalniz degilim, gul gibi her ihtiyacim oldugunda yanimda duran, dunyalar guzeli insanlar var etrafimda. Seviyorum insanlari, en cok iyilerini, dostlarimi. Onlarsiz dunya batsin be ya!!!
Bugun bana destegine dem vururken "I will support the shit of you, when you need it" dedi. Superdi!!! I love the the shit out of them all! :-*

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” 
― C.S. Lewis,

Oteki

Ya olanlar cok sinir bozucu, yada guzel daha once de dedigim gibi. Insanin insan gibi muamele gormemesi aci, polisin tavri cok feci, hukumet desen insanin kafasini duvarlara vurasi geliyor aciklamalarla. Ben zamanla apolitik oldum, politik olunca cok siniri bozuluyor kardesim insanin. Bir de laf anlatamadigim, boyle oha yuh dedigim ve degistiremedigim insanlar tanidim, biraktim politik soylemlerle tartismalari. Asimile de oldum tabi zamanla, kolayin kactim isin. E vatan sevgisi kalmadi, pek de yoktu zaten. Simdi gururluyum ben bunca insanin sokaklarda savasmasindan, hele ki politik olmayanlarin. Hani sasiriyorlar ya otekilestirilmek konusunda, belki bir akillarina gelir bunca yil Alevilere, Kurtlere olanlar ha? Ben hep oteki gibi hissettimki kendi ulkemde. Ilkokul, orta, lise hep ayni martaba, niye siz oruc tutmuyorsunuz, annen baban banyo yapmiyormus oyle mi? Ne bileyim ben goruyorum yapiyolar hep. Hani baban falan? Oha sorani duydum, olmaz di mi diye bakan gozlerle? Ben valla hep yabanci hissettim kendimi, sonra geldim buraya yerlestim, ulan hala yabanci hissediyorum ama en azindan hakkatten yabanciyim.

Ama demek istedigim herkes cezasini ceksin, hah iyi oldu degil tabiki de! Hic boyle seyler olmasin, kimse kimseye oteki gibi bakmasin, ya da aa ilginc o da baska desin, saygi duysun, sevsin. Olur mu? Himmm olmaz sanirsam, ama olsa ne guzel olurdu :) Bundan sonra insanlarin oteki olmayadigi guzel bir gelecege!!!

Kardeslik!

Guzel seydir kardeslik! Hicbir yerde bulunmaz, atsan atilmaz satsan satilmaz, bazen en cok kardese kizar insan, ama hep bir bag vardir, en cok onu sever, en cok onsuz yapamaz. Gariptir kardeslik. En acili cocukluk gunleri birlikte yasanmistir, kimsenin bilmedigi kadar bilir seni. Bagdir gecmise, hep umut olur varligi gelecegi, cok gariptir kardeslik.

Konusurken arkadaslarla dedilerki, buyuk kardes kucuksuz yasamayi biliyor, ama kucuk hic bilmiyor buyuksuz olmayi. Ne dogrudur! Ben abime hep kizar, bozulurum cok ilgileniyor benle diye! Ama bir sorun oldugunda ilk aradigim o oluyor. Ne yaparim onsuz bilemem, ve umarim hic de bilmem!!!

Bir de dostluklar var boyle kardes gibi oldugun, hani cocuk degilsin ama buyumek bitmiyorki. Yine birlikte buyumeler, birlikte uzuntu, mutlulukluk. Dostluktan dogan kardeslik gibisi de yoktur. Bilirim yoktur.

Hatta ve hatta Kardes Turkuler vardir, onlarin bile hastayisimdir.

Velhasili, kardeslik guzel seydir :)

Guzel ve yalniz insanim...

Sabahtan aksama twitter, facebook, ne calisabiliyor insan, ne ne yaptigini anliyor. Disari cikip eglenince kendimi suclu hissediyorum. New York'taki yuruyuslere gittim, pek birsey olmuyor ne olcak ki? Biber gazi yok, tanzikli su yok, destek veremiyoruz  offf offf :-/

Artik biraz endiselenmeye basladim. Hani super tepkiler, hayraniyim tum olanlarin. Icimdeki vatan, insan sevgisini canlandirdi, pek hissetmedigim duygular uyandirdi icimde. Ama organize yok, hukumet gittikce sertlesiyor, amaclar super, velakin gozaltindaki insanlar artiyor, iskencenin haddi hesabi yok. Acaba biraz daha sistematik tum delillerle, mahkemelere basvurulsa avrupa'da vasaire daha organize, daha hukuki (bizim ulkede olmayacagi kesin). Bilmiyorum susmamak gerek o kesin, tek derdim insanlarin boyle telef olmamalari. Ama belkide durulursa sonuclari cok daha agir olacak. Kestirmesi zor, hem de cok!

Super mizahi seyler cikiyor ortaya, onca aciya onca surunmelere ragmen. 2 haftaya yakindir bole bir mutluluk, bi huzun, damlalar gozunde kaliyor insanin, orada olamamak ic parcaliyor. Birkac sevdigim paylasim, hepsini toparlayamacagim kesin:


Super bir yazi
Tencere tava hep ayni hava
Nev York'tan birkac ses

Guzelim cocuklarimiz nasil kiyarsiniz onlara???? :((((

Pazarlar zor...

Pazar gunleri zor. Ilk kez camasir arti utu yaptim ilginctir, kendimi bole olgun ve is kadini gibi hissediyorum, bir utu nelere kadirmis, vaybe! Ama gunun zorlugu ne utuden ne camasirdan. Ayrilik zor is kardesim. Hele yas ilerledikce daha zor, daha dogru secimler yaptigini dusunuyorsun, daha buyuk hayaller kuruyorsun birlikte, sonra ne bileyim daha bilincli seviyorsun, iste bu diyorsun, ne istedigimi biliyorum diyorsun. Sonra cat diye yikiliyor bu hayaller. Genelde zaman alir iliskilerin bitmesi ya, tukenmislik vardir, denedik olmadi vardir. Onlar yoksa daha zor oluyor atlatmasi, daha havada kaliyor, daha anlamsiz, daha asilmasi zor oluyor. 3 gun once seni seviyorumlar, super gelecek planlari oluyor. 3 gun sonra, bi hissizlik, uzaklik, bir yabancilik. Cok korkunc bir sey. Epey guven sarsici, ama biraz siradisi bir ayrilik cesidi sanirim, umarim oyledir en azindan.

Isin garibi insan alisiyor herseye. Hani bir insanin yokluguna alismasi imkansiz degil, heleki sonradan girmis hayatina, hic olmasa aklinda bitme ihtimalinin varligi oluyor. Ama sevmenin bir parcasi onun yoklugu halini reddetmek, tum ihtimallere karsi inadina sevmek umut etmek. Velhasili baska care olmayinca, tum cabalar yokluga alismaya harcaniyor. E pazarlari da evde kalinca, biraz daha zor oluyor, cok ani, cok paylasilmislik oluyor. Neyse yarin Pazartesiiii, is guzel sey, Pazartesi'ni sevmesi de bir garip. Ey ayrilik acisi sen nelere kadirsin :)

Bu sarkiyi da pek seviyorum cok olayla alakasi olmasa da etkileyici cok!

Yogurt increase fertility (possibly)

The newly published article shows yogurt-fed mice showing healthier features compared to control group. The original article mentions:

Radiant skin and hair are universally recognized as indications of good health. However, this ‘glow of health’ display remains poorly understood. We found that feeding of probiotic bacteria to aged mice induced integumentary changes mimicking peak health and reproductive fitness characteristic of much younger animals. Eating probiotic yogurt triggered epithelial follicular anagen-phase shift with sebocytogenesis resulting in thick lustrous fur due to a bacteria-triggered interleukin-10-dependent mechanism. Aged male animals eating probiotics exhibited increased subcuticular folliculogenesis, when compared with matched controls, yielding luxuriant fur only in probiotic-fed subjects. Female animals displayed probiotic-induced hyperacidity coinciding with shinier hair, a feature that also aligns with fertility in human females. Together these data provide insights into mammalian evolution and novel strategies for integumentary health.

The assays are mainly focused on hair shine, hair follicle thickness and skin histology. Yogurt-fed mice showed thicker hair follicle, shinier hair, therefor healthier mice. Acidic vaginal pH correlates with peak fertility, and yogurt-fed female mice have significantly lower (acidic) vaginal pH values. Even tough future testing is necessary, very interesting results.

Just an overview of the known benefits of yogurt:

1. Reduce blood pressure
2. Helps gut functions
3. Lowers vaginal infection risks

The name is Turkish, the origins are unknown. Must eaten!!!

Vacation plans!!

I would like to travel a lot, but with the time and financial issues plus visa requirements; that has not happened as much as I would like it to be. Don't take me wrong I have travelled quite some, but I would not mind more and more :)

So my first plan is going to Seattle to see friends, then driving down to San Francisco where everyone seems to luv and I have never been.

• Seattle-San Francisco: Portland, Lassen Volcanic National Park and Sacramento could be our stops in this roundtrip. Wohoo!!!

Portland

Seattle

Lassen Volcanic National Park

Sacramento

San Francisco

I am totally ready to find my favorite city this fall :))) Wohooo!!

Will talk about my xmas plans soon ;)

Exercise

It is summer! I was supposed to be prepared for it months before, but even little late I will get into shape. My biggest problem like many Mediterranean or latin woman:  butt and upper leg.

Best exercises to shape your butt and upper leg plus e bit stomach:

1.) Squat : Use dumbbell or ball if preferred. Do 30-45 seconds front squats and side squats 3sets each.

2.) Lunges: Use dumbbell if preferred. Do 30-45 seconds 3 sets.

3.) Bridge: On the ball or on the floor. 45 seconds 3 sets.

4.) Donkey kick: 45 seconds 3 sets.

5.) Mountain climber: 1 min 2 sets.

6.) Plank: 1 min in the front, and on the sides.

I want to do this every other day. 2 days in a group fitness class. And the days I do not go the gym, I will be practicing these moves and hoping to see changes in 2 months. Lets see!!!

Repetition Compulsion

It is a physiological term that refers to being compelled to repeat as understood from the meaning. Some of us might wonder, I did, why we keep making the same mistake, so there is a term for it. The main idea is basically people trying to change their past with their current experiences which mostly end up as a failure, since nobody can change their past. Here are some notes I have found and liked about the topic:

"In practice, the failure to manage emotions usually plays a pivotal role in repetitive relationship scenarios. Whether it is a habit of being too quick to anger or one of being hypervigilant for abandonment, the behavior that results from the overpowering feelings in turn causes a cascade of reactions resulting in similar experience.

That wounded, rejected, abandoned little boy or girl is still trying to win mommy or daddy's love. In order for the repetition compulsion to play out, the love interest must, by definition, possess at least some of the emotional deficits or traits as did the original parent. Indeed, that is what the repetition compulsion is all about: a recreation of these relationship dynamics, so as to provide an opportunity to, this time, change the outcome. The inner child thinks: "This time will be different. I will get this person to love me. I can change him or her, if I only try hard enough. I won't fail again. Then I will feel loveable." But tragically, this futile effort is doomed to failure. For if, as part of the repetition compulsion, we specifically choose individuals who cannot love us because of their own limitations and problems, what are the odds of making them do so? Can we "fix" them? Force them? Transform them? Cure them? Not very likely. The rational adult part of ourselves knows that. But the wounded little boy or girl within is still trying, just as he or she did with the parents, each inevitable failure reinforcing feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and unlovability. And so it goes.

So how can we resolve the pesky repetition compulsion? With great difficulty.  Because to do so requires relinquishing the defense mechanism itself. The repetition compulsion defends against the experience of all those feelings we denied during childhood about our imperfect parents and ourselves: sadness, anger, rage, despair, hopelessness, hurt. Feelings we were unequipped to cope with then, and continued avoiding into adulthood, now must be faced."

As a matter effects, I believe it can be resolved. I agree it can't be easy but what is easy my friend. Be aware, work on it, there is nothing you can't fix, at least about yourself! Hurray!!!

Next, I will talk about impulsive behavior and rational emotive behavioral therapy.

(http://well.wvu.edu/articles/dealing_with_impulsive_behavior, this website looks quite useful)

Whom not to date!

I could not figure out exactly who to date but some recommendations whom not to date:

• Someone who is sleeping with his mother (I know it sounds ridiculous but it happens guys, its crazy)
• Someone who has no personality (common sense right? but you may not be able to realize it. If they listened to you too much and change easily, don't you forget some one else can convenience them too and they will change back, meaning they were only pretending. Oh no!)
• Someone who can not talk about his past relationships. (Well, well! None of us likes to talk about an awful, done relationship but we know its part of our past, therefor part of ourselves. If you feel so shitty about your past, you cant even talk, there is a huge problem)
• Someone you don't respect. (Big red light! Respect is gone, relationship is gone!)
• Someone who is overly nice. (Its bullshit, it has to be, none of us is amazing and his bullshit will end eventually)
• Someone who's mother has a tattoo in their kuku and shows it to you, run as fast as you can! (I got to say it :)
• Someone who does not respect you and does not give the value you deserve (What a cliche! But freaking true)
• Someone who is conservative and whom you don't share the same life philosophy.

Well I could have made a much longer list but this is enough for now. The opposite of these stuff could be whom you should date :) Good luck!

Personal note

I have been trying to write since couple days but there was a problem. Anyways!!! So first of all I am 31 and mature as of Thursday ;) I feel luved and first year I feel like I luv myself. I am very happy my teenage years are over with 10 years of delay. I luv friendship, people, my family, my friends. And first time I did not vomit after 4 shots, 2 beers, 1 wine. Impressive huh?

So my country is still going thorough tough times, I am proud of my people, I luv them, support them with my whole heart! I feel their pain much more every time I listen to the PM. Oh boy how do you manage a country like this? Daym!

I

INEK!!!

Niye bu kadar cok seviyorum bu inekleri?! Sevimliler, sakinler, yavaslar, acayip ise yariyorlar, ne bileyim guzeller iste, gozleri var, memeleri var, surekli biseyler cigniyorlar :) Birkac gercek inekler hakkinda:

Dairy cows provide 90% of the world's milk supply. The best cows give over 25 gallons of milk each day. That's 400 glasses of milk! U.S. cows give an average of 2,000 gallons of milk per year. That's over 30,000 glasses of milk!

Cows have 32 teeth.

Cows are milked for an average of 3-4 years. A cow must have a calf in order to produce milk.Calves are fed milk until they are 8-9 weeks old.

The average cow is 2 years old when she has her first calf.
Calves are fed milk until they are 8-9 weeks old.
A young female cow is called a heifer.

Bir de caliskana denir, bi de benzeri hayvan turlerinden super kufur cikar: sigir, manda, camis, komus,manda boku, dana, okuz ooo say say bitmez...Cok faideli hayvanciklar cok!

moooooooooo

Aradan cok zaman gecmis, cok seyler degismis, cok seyler ayni kalmis. Vayki vay!!! Gelmisim New Yorklara, gecmis zor gunler, mutlu gunler, dostluklar kurulmus, dostluklar bozulmus. Cok seyler gecmis, daha duzenli yazmak istiyorum artik. Bakalim olacak mi? :)

NYU guzel yer, seviyoz. Cool, sevimli, ohh ohh!

NYC daha cekilir, sahra tasinmasi var geride haydee.

Turkiye canim ulke sevgisiyle dolmus icim ilkkez, olaylar birbirini kovaliyor. Protestolar dehset, super umit verici, insanlarin yasadiklari dayanilmaz, orda olmak istemek, burda polis gorup nefret etmek hisleri oldukca garip.

Yas kemale erdi, ee yarin 31 olcem.

Hayat guzel, insanlar guzel, yasamak guzel ... Arada Turkce arada Ingilizce yazcam. Imla hatasi yapcam, ama icimden geleni yazcam oh be yasasin kimseyi sallamamanin ozgurlugu, vuhuuuu!!!